


Pumpkin Mocha Breve

by bazkaban



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human, I love them with my entire heart, M/M, Some angst, but not too much, kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-07-11 12:30:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15972356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazkaban/pseuds/bazkaban
Summary: Simon Snow leads a pretty ordinary life, up until the day the most beautiful guy he's ever seen waltzes through the door of the cafe where he works, orders a complicated drink, insults him, and leaves. Even though Simon definitely isn't gay, and he has a girlfriend that he loves, he can't stop thinking about the pretty boy from the cafe and he finds himself hoping that he comes back.





	1. March 15

Date- March 15

I thought it would just be a normal day. I wasn't expecting my life to change by me going to work like I normally do. It's not like I ever meet anyone of importance. We don't get that much business anyway. The cafe's in New York, but on the outskirts of the city.

I woke up three minutes and five... four... three seconds before my alarm, but I tried to go back to sleep for those three minutes and two seconds. Couldn't waste that beauty sleep. However, three minutes and one second later when my alarm went off, I was still awake. Maybe my body sensed that today was the day my life changed. I rolled out of bed and pulled on my usual white polo and jeans, not bothering to brush my hair. The curls never got neater anyway. I winked at my reflection as I passed the mirror on my wall on the way out the door. I pulled on my favorite sweatshirt to fight the March chill. My messenger bag was slung over my shoulder and my red converse carried me out the door down the sidewalk outside my apartment. I never bothered with public transportation. There was always traffic, every hour of the day, and I walked fast anyway. The bell on the cafe door chimed as I pushed it open fifteen minutes later.

"Morning, Simon!" greeted my coworker Penny cheerfully. She seemed to be in a good mood today. I dropped my bag behind the counter and tied my apron around my waist.

"Morning, Pen," I responded, grinning. Penny'd been my best friend ever since I started college. All of our required classes we had together, and we'd been immediate best friends after Penny helped me with an especially difficult problem in math. When I applied for the part time job at the cafe, it was a nice surprise to find that Penny had the same shifts as me.

The cafe opened five minutes later with the entrance of the most beautiful person I'd ever seen in my life. I thought at first it must be a girl, why else would my brain be reacting this way? But as the stranger stepped closer, I realized it was a guy; a very pretty one. His eyes were the color you'd get if you mixed blue, green, and grey- and it doesn't sound that great, but as they met my gaze I got lost in them. Everything about him was intense. He had soft looking black hair, long for a guy. Most of it was up in a messy bun, but the hair in the front that was too short brushed the base of his neck. He was dressed in a dark green sweater and a purple and green tie, and the long coat he was wearing over it made him look like some sort of dramatic fantasy character. Even without the striking appearance, his boots made sure you could hear him coming from his dramatic sounding footsteps. His skin was pale, standing in contrast with his dark coat and hair. He was an artistic masterpiece.

Needless to say, I was absolutely stunned when he stepped up to the counter. I couldn't get a single word out without stuttering. I could practically feel Penny rolling her eyes behind me as she pulled me out of the way to take the man's order. He said his name was Baz. Baz... must be short for something. Basil? He didn't look like a Basil.

I must have been noticeably staring, because he turned to me, slightly glaring. "Can I help you?"

I flushed bright red. "No, no sorry! You... you just look like someone I know. I was trying to figure out if I'd met you before." I breathed out. Would he accept the lie?

He rolled his eyes, sneering. "We haven't met. I'd think I'd remember a tragedy like you."

I stalked away into the back room, pouting, under the pretense of getting more of something I needed to make his coffee. Penny found me a few minutes later and told me that Baz had left and I could stop being a hopeless romantic now.

I opened my mouth, trying to say something back, flustered at her assuming I had a crush on Baz. Of course I didn't. I had a beautiful girlfriend, Agatha, and I loved her very much. I was just confident in my sexuality enough to realize how damn hot he was. I told this all to Penny, and she laughed.

"Whatever you say, Simon."

The rest of the day passed without anything worth noting happening, besides one of my old college professors, Ebb Petty, coming in to say hello. As I walked home after my shift ended at 4 pm, I thought about the boy that came in that morning. It was stupid, but I wondered whether he was thinking of me too. It's not like he would. He did call me a tragedy, but... I wasn't hurt by it. He didn't seem like he was being serious about insulting me. My brain ran away with the fantasy, imagining some alternate world where I was gay and he kept coming into the shop just to see me. I chuckled to myself. Like that would ever happen. 

It had already been a whole year since I graduated college with my four year degree, but I was still surprised to come home and not have anything to do. No homework, no projects, no tests this week, no impending deadlines constantly looming over me. It was nice. I collapsed on my sofa, turning on Netflix to my favorite show. I opened a new container of ice cream from my freezer. Another plus of being an adult that lives alone is that I can have whatever I want to for dinner. I don't think I've eaten a vegetable in three weeks. Penny usually cooks real food for me so I can at least eat a meal like twice a week, but she's still in college for another three years and she's been doubling up classes to graduate faster. I don't know how she does it. She has A's in all of them. Like most days, I'd been unproductive all day, but I was already tired at around 7 pm. I fell asleep on the couch with the empty ice cream container on the coffee table in front of me.


	2. March 16

Date- March 16

I woke up the next morning with a damp and sticky spot on my t-shirt where the melted ice cream from my spoon had dripped. I licked the spoon clean and threw it in the sink onto a growing mountain of dishes. I should probably stop letting Penny do everything for me. 

I was chill until I glanced at the clock on my stove and realized it was twenty three minutes past when I was supposed to be at work. I raced the short distance from my kitchen to my bedroom and realized with a panic I was supposed to do laundry last night- all my good shirts and pants were in the wash. A cream colored t-shirt and jeans would have to do for today. I hoped today wouldn't be the one in a million day where there's an inspection at the cafe. 

I debated taking a cab to work, but I figured running would be faster than navigating the New York traffic. I got a few strange glances as I sprinted down the sidewalk with my bag thudding against my thigh. I slammed the cafe door open, entering work thirty one minutes late. Penny glanced up at me with a stare that clearly read, "get your shit together."

Baz sat at a table alone in the corner. He looked up as I walked in, a look of slight disgust already on his face. Did he always look like that? Somehow, I couldn't imagine him smiling or laughing at all. 

"I see you really are a tragedy," he commented dryly, and I sent a glare in his direction as I walked towards Penny, tying my apron as high up as I could in an attempt to cover my t-shirt. Penny turned to me, leaning against the counter with one hand, the other hand placed firmly on her hip.

"Simon."

I grinned sheepishly. "Hey, Penny."

She rolled her eyes at me. "How did I know you'd screw up your perfect attendance eventually?"

I shrugged, pretending to pout, but I couldn't help myself from grinning. 

"You two are adorable," Baz commented from the corner sarcastically. I wrinkled my nose in disgust without realizing it. 

"Ew, no!" said Penny. "We aren't dating. Simon has a girlfriend, anyway."

Why did she say that? Of course, there was no reason not to say it. I wasn't embarrassed of Agatha. I guess I was just afraid that this Baz guy would try to date her just to mess with me? He'd never do that, he doesn't even know me. So why did I feel so shy all of a sudden?

"Wow, a girlfriend? Really? Shocking." Baz tossed his cup in the trash. "I'll be back tomorrow, Penny. Your coffee's better than Simon's." 

I grumbled at this, but it was true. I wasn't very good at making coffee, even if it was instant. There wasn't really much that I could do that Penny wasn't better at. I was better at watching Netflix for thirteen hours straight and eating cherry garcia ice cream for dinner five nights in a row. I was better at eating fifteen hot pockets in one sitting, or only eating sour cherry scones for lunch for an entire year. Surprisingly, my handwriting was neater. Nothing of importance. 

A few hours later, Penny checked her watch and let out a long string of curses. "Crowley, Simon, I have to go. I have to meet with my physics professor today and if I don't leave now I'll be late. Will you be okay by yourself?"

I nodded without saying anything. I could do the job by myself, we never were that busy, but it got pretty lonely without Penny there making fun of me. Not many people came in that day, thankfully, I had time to sit down and relax. I left work on time and figured I'd do something productive. I walked home to change out of my trash colored shirt and I put on a better looking flannel. I emptied the many sharpies that had collected in my bag and replaced them with a few empty grocery bags. There was a small grocery store down the street that I could walk to fairly quickly. 

As I navigated around the tall shelves of the store, I slammed face-first into Baz, knocking him over. "Ah!" I cried, dropping my bag. "Baz? Oh god, I'm so sorry!" I could feel my face heating up with embarrassment. I offered my arm to him, but he didn't take it, choosing to push himself off the floor instead. He glared at me, brushing off his pants. 

"You literally couldn't be a bigger mess, Simon," he said. "That's your name right? Simon?" 

I nodded. "Simon Snow."

Baz snorted. "Snow?" 

I glared at him. "I can't choose my last name, idiot."

Baz rolled his eyes. "It still sounds stupid."

"Oh yeah? And what's your full name?" Something posh, probably. He looked like he'd be part of one of those old rich families that live in a house like the Addams family. He did look like a vampire. 

"Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch."

Yep.


	3. March 20

Date- March 20

I opened my phone in the morning to four new texts from Penny. 

One- "Sorry, Simon."

Two- "I won't be at work today. I hope you can handle it on your own."

Three- "I quit working at the coffee shop last night. It's just too stressful to manage a part time job with all the classes I'm taking. I don't have enough time to do my homework every night and I keep having to pull all-nighters."

Four. "I hope you'll understand."

She quit? 

I couldn't really be mad at her... I knew she had a lot on her plate. I was surprised she'd lasted working this long already. She'd had work 7-12 every day, then classes 12:30 to anywhere from 3 to 8 or 9. At least now maybe she'd get a couple hours of sleep every night.

But now I was alone at work. Baz would be disappointed. He'd only been coming here six days and already the good coffee maker had quit. Hopefully there'd be a new person soon to help me that was better at certain coffees than me. 

I dressed in my usual uniform (I was never going without doing laundry for so long that I had to wear that cream t-shirt again) and stepped out the door on time. 

I heard the ding of the bell over the door five minutes after opening, and Baz stepped in, same time as always. He seemed the type to always be punctual and reliable. He stepped up to the counter, narrowing his eyes when he didn't see Penny step up to the register, only me. 

"Only you today, Snow?" he asked, sarcastic as always.

"Yep," I replied. "Penny quit last night. She was too stressed from her classes to continue with the job. You're stuck with me now." 

Baz rolled his eyes. "Great. Now you're the only one that can make coffee around here. You'd better hire another person fast before you lose all your business."

I ignored his insult, as much as I wished I could vault over the counter and punch his stupid pretty face. "Can I take your order?"

"Pumpkin mocha breve. It's my favorite, and Penny made it the best I'd ever had. Don't screw it up." 

I punched the order into the register and Baz handed me a five dollar bill. "Keep the change," he said, and I dropped it into the tip jar. Baz waited, watching as I made his coffee. He didn't seem like the type to order a pumpkin mocha breve. They were incredibly sweet, even too sweet for me. It tasted like you were drinking a candy bar. I preferred to eat mine. I felt very pressured, having Baz watch as I made his complicated order. He gave me a skeptical look as I handed it to him. 

"This better be good, Snow." He took a sip, pausing. "Terrible." 

I tensed, thinking he was being serious, but he kept drinking the coffee as he walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda short,,,,,, I didn't know what else to write. The chapters of this will probably be between 500 and 1000 words because I don't know how to be consistent.


	4. March 22

Date- March 22

Baz came in late today. Well, it's not like I knew his schedule. But for the past week he'd come in exactly five minutes after we opened. I wonder why he was late? He seemed like the type of person to have a routine and always be on time. 

He came up to the counter, his usual long coat swishing around his legs. As he stepped closer, I realized that his black hair, which usually brushed his shoulders, was pulled up into a messy bun. He glared at me.

"Why are you staring, Snow? Did you lose a few brain cells overnight?"

I blinked, forcing my eyes off of his hair. Unless my eyes were deceiving me, there was a slight blush dusted across Baz's high cheekbones. 

"Can I take your order?"

"Obviously." Baz rolled his eyes. "Medium caramel latte. And for here, as well. I need to sit down."

A latte? That was different. Everything about him was different this morning, his usual time of getting here, his coffee order... his hair. I still couldn't get over the fact that his hair was pulled up. It made him look... cute wasn't the word, I wasn't gay. I didn't find him attractive. Just different, but not in a bad way. 

At least I knew I was good at making lattes- I could do latte art perfectly every time. It was another minuscule thing that I was better at than Penny. I finished the coffee and brought it to his table, starting to pour the milk into his cup. I glanced up at him, and found him looking back at me. I was captivated by his dark eyes before he turned his head away, eyebrows furrowing, and turning his bun closer to me. His hair looked really soft. 

I felt hot coffee overflow his cup and splash my hand, and I yelled, dropping both the mug and the pitcher of milk. Baz whirled around in surprise, standing up and pushing his chair away from the mess. I felt my face flushing in embarrassment. I was frozen, unable to think of what to do. Did I burn him? Did I get coffee on him? Is he ok?

"Simon!" I snapped out of my haze to see Baz, looking worried, holding my hand. There was a cut across my palm where the cup had smashed, and it was dripping blood on the floor, adding to the mess. 

"Shit." I held my hand palm up and went to get a bandage from behind the counter. Baz trailed behind me, not knowing what to do. Luckily he was the only one in there, there wasn't a throng of other people getting in the way. I wrapped a bandage around my hand, then got a broom and roll of paper towels, heading back to the table to clean up my mess. Baz grabbed the broom from my hand.

"Don't worry about it, Snow. You're hurt. I'll do it."

"No, no, it's my job. It's all my fault anyway. I screwed up your coffee too." I took the broom back. "I'm sorry." I tried to start sweeping up the shattered mug, but I winced every time the handle pressed against the cut on my palm. 

Baz picked up the paper towels from where I'd left them on the table. "At least let me help with this. I don't want to just stand here and watch you clean this up." 

I stopped protesting, silently grateful for the help. I swept up the mug, getting out of the way for Baz to soak up the still warm coffee with the paper towels. After everything had been cleaned up, we stood by the table awkwardly. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. 

"I- I'm sorry," I offered. 

Baz shrugged. "It's okay. I'll just go. You should go home. Let that cut heal for at least tonight. The cafe will be okay for one day. Just say it's a sick day.

I opened my mouth, stammering. "No, I can't do that. If I take a sick day, there's no one else to take my place. My manager hasn't found another employee to take over Penny yet."

"Go home, Snow. You need the break."

Baz turned around, pushing the door open, stepping onto the sidewalk. 

"Wait!" I called after him. "Let me repay you-" but he was already gone. I took his money out of the register, making a mental note to give it back to him. I left a note on the counter for the manager, letting him know that I was taking the day off. After getting my bag and putting my apron back, I walked home. 

Once I was laying down on my sofa, I had no idea what to do for the rest of the day. I rarely had days off. Penny had always taken Sundays off work, but I told the manager I'd work then too. I had nothing better to do, and it'd get me more money. Like most days, I fell asleep on the sofa watching Netflix.


	5. March 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdjfahsdfkl I haven't written in a while sorry

Date- March 25

Baz's schedule was back to normal the next day. Not like he had a schedule, or anything. He'd only been coming here for like a week anyway.

"Large pumpkin mocha breve," Baz stated as he stepped up to the counter. His hair wasn't up today. No, today he was wearing jeans. I blinked, surprised. It was a perfectly normal thing to be wearing jeans. Why did I feel so anxious?

I punched his order into the register and took his money from his outstretched hand, my fingers quickly brushing against his. His coffee was made and brought to his table. A small group of rich, snobby looking college students came in. Most of them sat down, and one girl strutted up to the front counter, flipping her hair. She ordered outrageously complicated orders for her and all five of her friends and huffed and sighed when I repeated the order back to her to make sure it was right. I made all the drinks, then piled them onto a tray to carry to the table. I caught Baz's eyes on the way over, and stared just a bit too long, paying no attention to one of the rich girls' bags, sat on the floor much too far out. I tripped, and the tray of hot coffees splashed on the ground, shattering all over the purse and staining a few pristine white sweaters and polo shirts. The group seemed to stand in unison, angrily shouting at me. I did my best to pick up all the pieces of the shattered mugs, and I tried to get paper towels, but the assholes wouldn't let me leave, they just yelled about making me pay for a stupid dry cleaning bill or something like that. Typical. As if they didn't have enough money on their own. 

"Hey! Leave him alone." I turned around, expecting Penny, then realized that Penny was at class. Baz had come to my rescue. One of the preppy looking boys jabbed his finger on Baz's chest, opening his mouth to say something sarcastic, probably, but Baz just took the guy's finger and pushed his arm away. "First of all, don't touch me. Do that again and I break your finger. Secondly, leave him alone. It's called an accident. Do you know what that is? Or have you never messed up anything in your life? You probably haven't. Your rich mommies and daddies feed you off a silver spoon." 

They all said nothing, for fear of proving Baz right. They just scoffed and flipped their hair in annoyance at being one-upped by someone less rich than him. I glanced sideways at Baz, wondering how much money he really had. The girl that'd ordered picked up her bag, still dripping coffee, and turned to me. "We won't be coming here again." 

I rolled my eyes. "I won't miss you." But as they left I felt a pang of guilt for losing business. Just because a group of people were a bunch of assholes didn't mean I could run them out of the cafe.

As if he could read my thoughts, Baz tapped my shoulder. "You good, Snow? It's not your fault they left, you know. They're trash." 

I shrugged. "Thanks." I went to go get a roll of paper towels, and when I got back, Baz was kneeling on the floor, picking up the pieces of the shattered mugs with his hands. He glanced up as I dropped down next to him, frantically sweeping the shards into a pile away from him. "I don't want you to cut yourself, Baz, go finish your coffee. It's my fault I dropped them so it's my job to clean up." I tried to push Baz out of the puddle of coffee and porcelain, but he swatted my hand away. 

"Screw off, Snow, let me help." 

I stuttered, trying to get out that it was my job, and I didn't want either of us to get in trouble, but Baz had already scooped up all the pieces of the mug and dropped them in the trash. He took the paper towels from me and soaked up the now lukewarm coffee on the tiles. He smiled at me as he stood up, and it felt like my heart stopped. I still couldn't figure out why I was so nervous around him! I'd never felt like this with anyone. I thanked Baz multiple times as he downed the rest of his coffee walked towards the door. He turned to me, half out the front door, with a cool breeze blowing in and ruffling his hair around his shoulders. He smiled. "Don't worry about it, Snow."


	6. March 26

Date- March 26

For some reason I woke up much earlier than usual the next day. I extracted myself from my large pile of blankets and opened my bedroom curtain to realize that the sun wasn't even up yet. I frowned at the darkness outside my window. I never knew what to do with myself when I woke up this early. What was I supposed to do for- I checked my clock- three hours until eight o'clock, when I had to go to work? I flopped down onto my bed, unplugging my phone from the wall. I opened Instagram. A little green dot next to Agatha's profile indicated that she was online. What was she doing awake as well? I sent her a message.

'Hey, good morning <3'

A new message from her popped up a few seconds later.

'Hi Simon.'

'You sound so serious. Something up?' A pang of anxiety shot through my side. Was she okay? 

'Yeah, everything's fine.'

There was a pause, but the little bubble with the three dots popped up again as she entered in another message. 'Actually, can I talk to you about something?'

'Of course Agatha.' 

'Simon, I just want you to know that this isn't about anything you've done.' A pause, then another message. 'I just don't think this is working out very well.' Another pause, and it clicked in my brain what was happening. I didn't want this to happen. 'I did love you Simon, but you're just not the right person for me. I hope you understand, and I hope we can still be friends.' I bit my lip, trying not to cry. 'I'm breaking up with you, Simon. I'm sorry.'

I sobbed, my breath catching in my throat. I yelled into my blanket and threw my phone across the room. I heard a 'crack' as it hit the corner of my dresser and a thud as it hit the floor. This was all my fault. What had I done? I thought we were fine. Me and Agatha were supposed to spend our lives together. We'd been dating for years already. How long had she wanted to do this? How long had she been waiting to tell me? How many times had she told me she loved me and hadn't meant it? 

Looking back on it years later, I'd realize that although I did love her, it wasn't enough to spend my life with her. But in the moment, I felt like my life was over. It didn't feel real. I pinched myself in the arm, trying to wake up, but I didn't. Every time the tears stopped, a new wave of sadness would overtake me. I couldn't seem to stop remembering everything I'd ever done with Agatha. She was perfect. She was like a ray of sunshine when I first saw her, bright, happy, radiant, the opposite of what I believed myself to be. She'd tried her hardest to raise my self esteem, but in the end I was right all along. I was nothing compared to her. I was worthless. Agatha was made out of blue skies and light, and me? Nothing but clouds and mud. I was foolish and naive for thinking she'd love me back. 

I spent at least two hours lying awake in bed, not wanting to get up and face reality, not knowing if I could survive the whole work day without thinking of Agatha. I ended up calling in sick, and although the manager was annoyed- since I'm the only one working there since Penny quit, he had to go work himself- he said I could take any time I needed to feel better. If I waited that long I think he'd fire me by that point. Nevertheless, I was grateful for the time off. It meant more time I could lie in bed hating myself and contemplating whether or not I could have done something to prevent Agatha breaking up with me. I eventually got up and got my phone from where it lay on the floor. There were new messages from Agatha, and the screen was cracked as well from where it hit the dresser. I opened the messages.

'Simon? Are you ok?'  
'I'm so sorry Si, I do love you still, please understand that, but you're just not right for me.'  
'I know you're hurting, but please, please don't do anything to yourself. You're ok right? Please just tell me if you're ok.'  
'If you don't want to talk to me, that's okay. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.'

I took a deep breath and closed my messages, opening an arcade game on my phone that didn't require any real brain power so as to pass the time. For once in my life, I didn't get bored in three minutes. I relished the alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing sad things is pretty fun whoops


	7. March 31

Date; March 31

I haven't been to work in five days, since Agatha broke up with me. My excuse of sickness is going to run out soon enough. But I still can't bring myself to get up out of bed and go to work. I'd end up breaking down crying in the middle of placing an order. For some reason, I wanted to avoid Baz as well. I didn't want him to know how weak I was. 

But I couldn't avoid work any longer. I was already living paycheck to paycheck; I couldn't afford to lose my job. I woke up with my alarm, and for once I didn't press snooze. I just got up and got ready and left at a normal time, without rushing. I moved through my routine, feeling almost unreal, like I was stuck in a dream. I couldn't seem to focus on anything I was doing. My mind just focused on Agatha. Even though I didn't even have the chance to see her that often, I was painfully aware of the fact that I didn't have any new texts from her on my phone. I was also painfully aware that I no longer had someone to say "I love you" too, and it honestly hurt. Even if I didn't see her all the time because of work, I felt her absence all the time. I no longer had anyone but Penny. And I loved Penny, of course, but friends were different. 

As I walked closer to the cafe, I saw someone sitting outside on the bench, reading a book. Who'd be out here so early? Baz was the only one ever here for the first half hour of being open. As I stepped closer and closer, I realized that it was Baz. His black hair fell over his eyes, shielding him from the world. He was completely engrossed in his book, enraptured by the words on every page. I cleared my throat as I got closer, but I stayed a good few feet away. He jumped, looking up with an expression of shock on his face. I saw him realize who I was; his eyes softened and he almost smiled. 

"Simon?"

I shrugged. "That's my name."

He stood up, moving towards me. I took a step backwards, not wanting him to see my red eyes from crying nonstop for days. "Where have you been?"

"Sick." I stepped around Baz, keeping my head low as I unlocked the door. "Sorry you haven't gotten your coffee in five days. You can come in if you want."

"Snow, wait. What's wrong?"

I spun around, suddenly angry, though I knew I shouldn't be. This wasn't his fault. "Leave me alone, Pitch," I sneered. Baz's concerned expression changed to something worse; he looked hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize. 

"Sorry, I guess," he offered, staying in the half open doorway, not moving any closer to me any more. I was grateful for the distance. "I was just worried because you'd been gone for so long. Obviously I shouldn't have asked." He turned around and left, shoving his hands in the pockets of his long coat. My anger dissipated as I watched him walk out of my view. I shouldn't have snapped at him. I sighed. My life was just going great. 

The work day went uneventfully. I managed to not cry for eight whole hours, but as soon as I got home I saw a picture of Penny and Micah together on instagram and all I could think about was all the pictures of me and Agatha on my account. I started trying to delete them all, but I gave up and ended up deleting my account, not wanting to spend any more time looking at the two of us being happy. About an hour later, I got a lovely text from one of Agatha's friends, telling me I need to get over it and stop being an "overdramatic crybaby" about it, and that Agatha was better off without a piece of shit like me in her life. I didn't cry. I believed her. 

I turned off my phone and went to bed early.                          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad things are very fun to write 
> 
> I am enjoying writing Simon hate himself 
> 
> Of course I also make myself sad every time I write but it's fine


	8. April 1

Date- April 1

I woke up on time again the next day. I guess being dumped made me more responsible. Only in some regards, though. I got to work on time, but I also didn't eat in the morning, and I didn't eat anything more than a pastry for lunch. I was usually cheerful towards customers, but I could tell every time I spoke I sounded like I wanted to die. A part of my brain was screaming at me to take care of myself, but I just didn't have the motivation to do anything more than the bare minimum so I didn't die of dehydration or something. 

I noticed Baz didn't get his coffee in the morning, and I didn't even see him walk by all day. Maybe he was avoiding me. Good. I don't know why anyone would want to be around me. 

'He was just trying to be nice yesterday,' my subconscious whispered to me, but I brushed the thought aside. First impressions mattered, and my first impression of him was a pretty asshole. He was probably just trying to make fun of me. My thoughts spiraled deeper and deeper, making up scenarios that were hardly possible, but I seemed to enjoy the thought of anyway. 

'Agatha broke up with you to date Baz. They're off snogging in a dark corner somewhere. He's way hotter than you, you're not even average looking. You have stupid hair and stupid eyes and stupid moles and-'

"Simon?" A familiar voice broke me out of my self-loathing spiral. I looked up to see Penny, standing behind the counter, looking concerned. 

I blinked the oncoming tears away. "Hello, Penny," I said in the monotone tone my voice had taken on in the past few days. "Are you here to order something?"

Penny pushed through the little gate separating the kitchen and seating area, coming up to me with her hands on her hips. "Simon? Why won't you answer my texts? I haven't talked to you in days. You deleted your instagram account too, I couldn't even message you there. I tried to talk to Agatha"- my heart twisted at her name- "but she wouldn't say anything. Said you should tell me, or something."

I shrugged, not meeting her eyes. "I'm fine."

Penny smacked me, hard enough to sting for a second. "Simon! Talk to me. Did something happen between you and Agatha?" 

I took a deep breath. "She broke up with me. Said she didn't love me anymore." I looked away, avoiding Penny as much as I could without scooting backwards onto the counter. "It's- it's no big deal." My voice cracked, and Penny hugged me, holding me tightly. She wasn't the type to hug that often, but I welcomed the touch. I tried to stop, but I felt a tear roll down my nose into Penny's purple hair. She rubbed my back, and I just cried harder, letting it all out. Thankfully no one came in for those few minutes, otherwise they'd see the barista sobbing into the hair of a girl that definitely shouldn't be behind the counter. 

Penny let go eventually, reaching up to tilt my head towards her. I met her eyes. She didn't look angry, just sorrowful. She wiped a tear off my face and offered a small smile. I lifted one corner of my mouth; the closest to smiling I'd done since before the breakup. Penny checked her watch, sighing.

"I have to get to class, Simon, I'm sorry-" I shook my head. 

"It's okay. You can go." I paused. "I- thank you."

She nodded. "I'm here if you need to talk, or if you don't want to talk, that's okay too. Just remember she wasn't your whole life, okay? I know- I know you loved her, and I don't want to hurt you, but... I don't think she was the right one for you. You'll find someone better, I promise you that." She smiled, picked up her bag from where she'd dropped it on the floor, and left, giving me an encouraging wave as she walked out the door. I cleaned myself up, making sure it wasn't too obvious I'd been crying, and continued on my day, feeling a small bit better. 

That night, just as I was about to get ready to close up the shop, I heard the door chime. I was under the counter, putting away boxes, and didn't stand up until the customer got to the counter. I stood up, brushing dust off my knees. "Hello, welcome-" I stopped.

Baz stood there, looking both concerned and intensely prideful. He didn't look at me. The tips of his ears were red with blush.

"What do you want, Pitch?" I heard my voice get cold. 

He sighed before answering. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to make you angry. I sincerely just wanted to know if you were okay, because you'd been gone for five days. I... Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath before answering him. "No, not really, but I don't really want to talk about it with you. I've known you for like, two weeks, and we aren't even friends."

Baz looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know. I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't have assumed I could ask. But- I didn't come here for a late night coffee. I'm not leaving until you talk to me. You need to talk to someone, and sometimes friends aren't always the best ones to talk to." He gestured to a table. "Come sit down with me. No one else is going to come in this late."

I reluctantly sat down at the table across from Baz. 

"So. Talk."

I looked up, meeting Baz's grey gaze staring into me. I looked down again. His eyes were intense. 

"My girlfriend broke up with me six days ago, and I'm being an overdramatic little shit about it. It's nothing important."

Baz said nothing for a moment. "I'm sorry, Simon. You have every right to be upset. She must have been important to you if you're this worked up about it."

Again, I knew Baz was just trying to make me feel better, but again, I couldn't help feeling angry. What was he to say anything about my life? Why was I even talking to him about this? He was probably just going to run off to his rich friends and laugh at me. I stood up, pushing the chair back with my legs. "Just go, away, Baz. I'm not in the mood to talk."

"Snow-"

"Go away!" My voice cracked, and I stood completely still, breathing heavily, willing myself not to cry in front of him. "Just... go away."

Baz got up and walked out of the cafe without another word, and I was left alone at the table, feeling worthless.


	9. April 4

Date- April 4

A lot of thinking over the next three days led me to realize that although the absence of Agatha in my life was very prominent, I could actually function and live without her. And although I didn't want to entirely admit it to myself... I loved her less than I thought I did. I did- do- love her, of course. But I could get over her, contrary to what I told myself a week ago. 

My morning routine was actually nice, though. I usually rushed in the morning and was almost late all the time, but I guess Agatha breaking up with me made me the slightest amount more responsible. That was one good thing, I guess. Although it did kind of ruin the slight friendship I had going on with Baz. I suppose we could try again- maybe I'd give him my phone number today so we could talk outside of him ordering coffee and me making it. Exchanging phone numbers. I snorted. It sounded like we were dating or something. He did seem nice enough though. And I certainly didn't have an abundance of friends. 

Baz came in late today, looking flustered and rushed. His hair was up again, and I tore my eyes away from it as he walked up to the counter. 

"Morning," I said. "Your usual?"

Baz was preoccupied by frantically searching through his messenger bag. "Sorry, uh, yeah. That." He handed me the money and kept searching. "Keep the tip, I don't have anything smaller."

I put the money in the register and put the extra into the tip jar. "Er, thanks?" I made his coffee and brought it back. He'd taken a binder from his bag and was flipping through it. I took a sharpie from my pocket and wrote a message on the cup; 'Sorry for getting angry at you the other day- I'd like to be better friends.' I wrote my number under the note and held the drink over the counter. "Here's your coffee- Did you lose something?"

Baz took the cup, closing the binder with a soft whap. "Ah, yeah, I did, actually. I'm pretty sure I left my essay for British lit. at home, I'd better go get it." He checked the time on his fancy looking watch. "Oh, Crowley, I'm gonna be late. Better late and with the homework than on time with no homework, I guess. See ya Snow." 

I waved at him, but he'd already strode towards the door, gliding along on his long legs. I felt butterflies flying around my stomach. What if he thought I was gay or something? I mean, he knew I'd had a girlfriend. I'd written on the cup that I just wanted to be friends. Hopefully he didn't think I was weird or anything. I wasn't trying to be weird, just friendly. 

I was distracted from my rambling thoughts from a teenage girl coming up to order a hot chocolate and a croissant. I decided to push thoughts of Baz out of my mind until I got home from work. I forced myself not to check my phone all day, both wanting and not wanting to see if Baz had texted me yet. Once home, I slowly drew my phone from my bag and turned it on.

There were two new messages from an unknown number! I frantically unlocked my phone, opening my messages. 

Message 1; 'Hey Snow, it's Baz

Message 2' 'thanks for giving me your number, haha :) I wanted to talk to you outside of your work too but I thought you'd think I was asking you out or something. Glad we can maybe be friends.

I crafted a text to send back. 'Hello, Baz.' No, too formal. 'Hi, Baz!' Too excited. 'Hey Baz, glad you responded' I hit send before I could rewrite it again. 'I was worried you hated me or something'

'No, no hate here. You seem nice.'

I grinned subconsciously. I seemed nice. Why was I so excited over making a friend? Is this what adulthood was like? It was so easy to make friends as children, but as soon as you don't have recess, everything gets harder. I was just excited to have someone new to talk to, that was all. Everything was normal.


	10. April 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm really sorry I took literally forever to update this, I literally forgot and got caught up in an original story, and I'm also like in writer's block so this chapter is really short and bad but it's fine

Another uneventful day at work. Baz didn't come in today. I hope he's okay... what am I thinking. He's fine. He didn't text me today either. I wanted him to. I wanted someone to talk to, and Penny was busy with schoolwork, and I no longer had Agatha to bother. Work was insufferable without Penny there. 

When I got home that night, I flopped down on the couch as usual, but for once I wasn't in the mood to watch Netflix. I was kind of getting tired of doing nothing, ironically. I turned on the tv anyway, for background noise, and switched on my phone. No new notifications. I almost turned off my phone when I got a text from Baz. I opened it a little too fast. 

'Can I call you?' is all it read. That's not what I was expecting. Was there something wrong after all? Didn't he have other friends to call? He barely knew me. I wouldn't turn him down though. He must be kind of desperate to turn to me at nine at night. 

'sure', I texted back. I got his call a few moments later. 

"Hello?" 

There was nothing on the line but heavy breathing for a few seconds. "Hello?" I said again. I heard him swallow. 

"Hi." His voice cracked, which seemed weird. It didn't seem like his voice was the kind to crack very much. I heard a sniff. Was he crying?"

"Baz? Are you ok?" 

He cleared his throat. "Ehh... no. Not really. I'm sorry." 

He definitely sounded like he was crying. 

"What's wrong?"

"I don't really want to get into it with you. I- I'd like to be friends, and I don't want to ruin this after like two days of knowing you."

"I mean, alright, but I'm always here if you want to talk to me. I don't care if you cry or rant or anything. It's fine."

"I-I'm not crying, Simon!" Baz retorted, obviously flustered, but Simon could hear the cracks in his voice and the lump in his throat. 

"Just saying that it's ok if you do. Ok? I'm here."

"...Ok." Baz paused and sniffed again. "Thank you. And thank you for letting me call you. It was comforting to hear your voice."

We paused. I didn't know what to say to that. For some reason, the silence wasn't awkward. It felt almost comfortable to sit on the phone with Baz, not even having to say anything. 

"Well, thanks, I guess." I heard him sigh on the other end. "Sorry for calling you out of nowhere. And thanks for picking up."

I leaned backward, resting my head on the back of my couch. "No problem."

"Bye. I guess. I should probably go."

"See ya-" I said, but I heard the click of Baz hanging up before I even finished talking. "Good night," I said to my empty room, tossing my phone on the floor. I dragged myself to bed, forcing my brain to get a good amount of sleep. My half-asleep thoughts were full, wondering why Baz had called me so suddenly.


	11. April 9

I felt almost nervous going to work the next day. Would Baz mention anything about last night? Would he even talk to me? Would everything be normal? I shook my head. Everything would be fine. It's not like we like... did... anything. My face flushed red as I stepped outside, partially from the wind and partially from the unwanted thoughts bumping around in my brain. As soon as I tied on my cafe apron, a group of college friends walked in, everyone with their own complicated order. They kept me busy for a while, so I didn't even notice when Baz walked in. I glanced up when the group left, catching the gaze of Baz's dark grey eyes. He turned his head quickly, letting his hair fall into his face. He looked less put together than usual today, wearing just a grey-blue sweatshirt and a pair of dark jeans. 

"Your usual?" I asked, trying to sound kind. 

"Yes." It was like he didn't even have the energy to make fun of me. Was he embarrassed? I couldn't imagine why. It's not like I minded him calling me. I made him his coffee and handed it over. He went to sit by himself at a table in the corner. I waited a minute or two, then followed him over, plopping down into the seat across from him. He didn't look up. 

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?" I leaned on one elbow, trying to look suave. Baz looked up, startled, eyes wide, and face blushing pink. 

"Are you hitting on me?"

I took my arm off the table to scratch my neck awkwardly. "Ah, well, no. I just thought I'd try to make you laugh. I don't really know any good jokes, just bad pick up lines."

Baz looked down at his coffee again. "Why are you trying to make me laugh? I've been coming here pretty consistently for a while. You should know by now I'm not really the kind to laugh at dumb pick up lines, sorry." 

I shrugged. "I'm sorry, just thought I'd try. You seemed sad. And with the call last night, I assumed something was wrong. You sounded like you were crying, after all."

Before I'd even finished the sentence, Baz stood up, slamming his chair into the wall behind him. His head was down and his hair fell into his eyes, but I could see his clenched fists and rapid breathing. What was wrong with him? "I. Wasn't. Crying." 

"I'm sorry Baz, I just-"

"I WASN'T CRYING!" His head snapped up, and we made eye contact. His eyes were red, like he was holding back tears. "Leave me alone." He threw his drink onto the floor in a fit of anger and walked through the mess out the door, slamming it closed behind him. I sat at the table for a while afterward, in shock. Something was definitely wrong. What happened last night? I eventually had to get up to slowly mop up the mess on the floor, but the rest of the day I was lost in my thoughts. When I got home, I waited for almost two hours to see if Baz would text or call me again, but I didn't get a single notification. For the first time in months, I went to bed relatively early. 

The next morning, I checked my phone again to see a single message from Baz, reading; "I'm sorry."


End file.
